Parenting the Parent

I've heard massively destructive stories about children and adult children who are actually the parents. I am slightly horrified to admit that I am in that particular situation.

My mother becomes terribly distraught with any kind of criticism or sarcasm. She does not know how to retort and she does not know how to defend herself with words. I've known this since I figured out what a come-back was. Ever since the infamous Dave Park, I learned more than my fellow elementary school mates could teach me. Good job pickin' guys, Ma.

This "Day After Xmas", I arranged for a gift exchange. Yes, I admit, many items were things that I happened to have for some years that I always meant to gift, but just never did. It was a perfect opportunity to get the stuff outta my home. Aunt Susan called me out in front of the fam. Lovely.

At the beginning of the day, I realized my condition was going to be more horrendous than I had thought the night before. Ladies, you know what I am talking about. Perfect timing.

I finally got my butt outta bed at 9:30, when I had actually intended to get up at 8-8:30am. I did not answer my phone until... ehmmm... about whenever my cell phone won't tell me. Great. I hate Blackberrys for that reason. Mom had called or I called her and she sounded exhausted, out of breath, etc. She was in the verge of guilt tripping me into hurrying up.  Got snappy after she started complaining about her self-inflicted aches and pains and my grandmother's age-induced exhaustion. Given that it was about 10:30 then, and that we more than likely would not be having anyone arrive until about 3:30 (it always ends up being about an hour later), we ha plenty of time.

I snapped at my mom. I did not have time to explain how bad I was hurting too - damn Aunt Flo. I also did not have time to explain that the longer she kept me on the phone complaining about her nonsense, the longer I would be stuck at home. So I snapped at her.

I got there. I was not in the greatest mood. I hadn't eaten anything at all. I didn't eat anything until the Amicons came and that had to have been after 3:30. I had been moving non-stop attempting to squelch any possible "lazy" comments that might come out of my mom. I froze my butt going outside without my coat which I had left in the car in my hurry to get in the door. I swept the porch. The porch is cluttered with exercise equipment that my mother and grandmother probably never use. The leaves were a royal pain to get out from behind the bag which contains the old gazebo, I am sure. Eck, and the dogs pee on the concrete front porch, usually aiming for the flower pots.

So, Mom got me some boxes to put the items I brought in. I stuff the boxes, wrapped a couple of items that couldn't fit in the boxes. All the while, I tried to burn a DVD of the slide show I had made all in one evening a few nights before. It didn't work on the CDs that I had burned. I almost got it to work on my grandmother's t.v. but the darn thing wouldn't work for me.

The other day, Mom posted a status message saying she really liked the item that didn't make it into the gift game. I said, "You're welcome. Glad we all played by the rules. :-P Hah!" I meant it slightly sarcastically. I did not mean for her to become offended by it. So, through various FB messages, I explained away about four issues that Mom is concerned about. After the last one, I just decided to block her from my friends list.

I really do not need the hassle of her commenting on several of my posts. She has made a competition out of threads on my photos about who I look the most like. Mom got defensive when a cousin said I looked like Dad... which I am none too thrilled with. I don't think I look like my mother either. I had stated on my photos that I look more like both my grandmothers than anyone else in the family. That seemed to suffice, but I think more so when I deleted the photos.

Mom started dating a guy who ended up not being a hundred percent good for her. For the past six months or so, she attempted to break it off and she got suckered several times. Only after forfeiting much of her pride did she finally let him go in that sense. She feels some sense of duty toward him that I used to feel toward some of my exes.

Why am I learning these lessons so much easier than my mother? And BEFORE she learns them herself?!

There's all kinds of nonsense that my mother has put family through. There's a few instances of nonsense I've put my family through. However, I can point out several ways in which I have never worried my folks in which my mom worried hers. I'd say I am doing pretty good. Pretty darn good. Did I mention her counselor (number 15) has gotten aggitated with her periodically because she doesn't stick to any decisions? Dang it. That's where I get it from.