Individuality Running Rampant... or Just Running

I've set up this concert, thinking the best and hoping to help meet a goal for the organization. I feel good about the initial setup. I don't feel good about the process.

Initially, I thought that media would be a snap. Just contact the right people and get it done. I had the right people at my fingertips, but I wanted to include various people, one whom I knew I could trust. The problem is, I think the one doesn't feel she can trust me as she once did because of the various things that went down with the organization. On one hand, it's totally understandable. On the other hand, I don't know.

I always want to be the one who understands the reason for circumstances. I am the empathizer. I feel the instinct to jump into the other person's shoes - no matter how distorted the size or structure - and run through possible scenarios. Feelings, words, actions; everything.

This gets me in trouble. Not in the criminal sense or the mentally disturbed sense - or any other way that could be incriminating to my character - but in the sense that I dig myself into a whole. Various people have pointed out this personality quirk and I am attempting to work on it with some people.

One of these people is the most difficult. If she reads this then maybe this will give a little more insight as to why my personality phenotypes itself out the way it does.

I feel like I've explained myself to me, but explaining doesn't seem to come out of me easily. I cannot put some things into words 'in the moment'. For example, the reason I react the way I do when I hit a wall in a difficult situation. I cannot explain for the life of me why I feel... stuck. I suppose that's precisely the word for it.

My brain is somewhat like a computer on XP running on Internet Explorer or something. There are certain moments that a computer will just say, "overload! I can't process this chunk of information so I will just nod my head and grin and act as if I am placated." Re-booting occurs, I think, when someone tells me to snap the **** out of it. Or a least when my brain brings up the Task Manager and permits a termination of a program to 'get on with it'.

I tend to get hung up on stupid things. I don't like it when someone doesn't like me, no matter the circumstances and mostly when it comes to someone that I am very close to. I can't develop the 'I could care less' attitude too easily. Nuture? Maybe. I had to think about that one for a moment. I don't think I am nearly as dysfunctional in that sense as my family is.

My interestingly intellectual boyfriend tells me that, despite the fact my family is... nuts, I turned out pretty darn well. I agree. I don't have the tendencies that my mother has, and if in fact do have any of those tendencies, they are minimal in comparison. This I am proud of.

My degree is something to be proud of too. I hate the fact that this quarter has been rather mediocre, but it's almost over. I can honestly say that I will pass everything. I need to find out many things before the actual graduation ceremony, but I have no clue who to go to for it.

I think that was my problem all through high school when everyone else was planning their college careers or vocations. I didn't know the significance of the people who were at the school leading these kids in whatever direction. If I can't visualize it, I guess I just don't understand it. Draw me a diagram!!!

Thank GOD for Liz Weiss. Professor extraordinaire! She is making Statistics MUCH easier than ever before. I am REALLY thankful for her.

I talked to Heather Odendahl at MRDD. She said the work that I have been doing for the organization is a great resume builder. The boyfriend said that all I ever talk about is putting this or that on my resume. He said as soon as the resume gets me a 'kickass' job, I am given full permission to "kick" him "in the face". He has interesting ways of putting things.

I can't think anymore. :-)